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Long ago Mark Twain wrote of the German language,
German ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it. … an average sentence in a newspaper is a sublime and impressive curiosity that occupies a quarter of a column; it contains all 10 parts of speech-not in regular order, but mixed; it is built mainly of compound words constructed on the spot, and not to be found in any dictionary.
So reported Rick Atkinson in his article, “Ignoring Marktwainsgermanwarning” in The WaPo in 1994. The WaPo piece appeared when I was stationed at the Pentagon. For a long time afterward, the paper ran letters occasionally on the topic of “Marktwainsgermanwarning,” generally about the syntactical idiosyncracies of Deutsch.
I wrote one such letter which was, alas, never printed. Somehow, it has survived on my computer to this day, despite the fact my present computer is at least the fifth since then. I stumbled across it and discerned immediately what Yoda’s major malfunction is: he’s really German!
Here’s the text of my letter to the Post 10 years ago:
A shortcomment on this ongoingdebate I have. In German biglongwordsthatcontinueforeverwithnoendinsight there are. Bigdeal. Two biggerproblems there are. First, in the Germanlanguage, verbs at the end of sentences or clauses go. In normalconversation, which is a question or which is a declarativestatement vocalinflection indicates. But in the writtentexts, only at the endofsentences with a period or a questionmark when you the difference can tell isn’t it? Second, negatives the noun not verb modify.
What the ruleimpact of this in English try to imagine would be. We ever where until there we got would we know are going? Many famoussayings notmemorable would be: “Before you leap look,” “Notcart before the horse put,” two examples are. Richard Nixon would have said, “I a notcrook am.” Connie Chung to the Newtmother would have said, “Why not you to me girltogirl it whisper?”
If you the Billandhillaryclintonhealthplan indecipherableandhardtounderstand as it written was think, it not according to germanizedbureacraticliterarystyle with all the verbs at the endofsentences be glad written was! Otherwise, we Harryandlouiseprotest would have had to hear, “To this listen! They my choice away take! I my notchoice to keep get! And this muchminemoney will cost! This stinks!”
And letterstotheeditor really, really no sense with Germanrules would make.
Truly yours I am,
Donald M. Sensing
This letter like it by Yoda sounds written was. So that his problem is. Great mystery solved. I congratulated should be!
Before commenting, please remember Rule No. 6!
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May 21st, 2005 at 10:28 pm
Learning Germanspeaking hard is. But there is no try. There is only do, or do not do.
heh, thanks for the reminder, Reverend.
May 22nd, 2005 at 8:40 am
Four years, German I learned. Now can I only sing Neun-und-Neunzig Luftballoons.
May 22nd, 2005 at 9:45 am
My Dad served in Germany during the Koren war and he spoke German, but said it was harder to read it than to hear it spoken. Helped me to understandfromyourpost, it did.
May 22nd, 2005 at 7:30 pm
Ah dearie me. Another step on the path to an americanised homogenous world.
Long live difference!!!
May 23rd, 2005 at 12:41 am
I have been saying the same thing for years…
the only thing is, he doesn’t always consistently put the verb at the end.
Confused am I.
May 23rd, 2005 at 7:36 am
ROTFL
But you forgot about the verbs with a splittable prefix (in Geman prefix means it comes after) like:
“Sie gibt viel Gueld” (she _gives_ much money)
“Sie gibt viel Gueld AUS” (she spends _much_ money) the verb is ausgeben
or
“Er macht die Tur” (He makes the door)
“Er macht die Tur AUF” (He opens the door) Verb is aufmachen
“Er macht die Tur ZU” (He closes the door) Verb is zumachen
Except that usually the verb’s main body and its prefix are miles apart given German’s proclivity to sentences who go over and over and over so then you are left wondering where in h.. er heaven goes the prefix
This is one of the many, many features who make German an interesting language. Interesting like interesting times in the Chinese curse
May 23rd, 2005 at 11:38 am
Laughing am I.
May 23rd, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Oh, my…I’d forgotten about words like “ausgeben.”
I loved German when I was studying it, though. I my notanymoreproficiency regret.
May 23rd, 2005 at 4:46 pm
Great post! When I visited Germany a few years ago, I didn’t remember enough from my high school German classes to understand much beyond the basics. However, I did remember enough to find the syntax extremely amusing.
May 23rd, 2005 at 5:07 pm
Then there’s the joking story of the absent minded German professor who’s lectures would ramble from one subject to another before finally ending with a fifteen minute long string of verbs.
May 23rd, 2005 at 9:33 pm
As a privat stationed in Germany years ago, I quickly realized that learning German would increase my enjoyment of life overseas. 15 years on, still in Germany, I know I was right. The method of writing English as if it were Germn, is really funny.
May 23rd, 2005 at 10:34 pm
You are Yoda.
May 24th, 2005 at 8:31 am
[…]
So that His Problem Is [May 24, 05 | 9:29 am]
Donald Sensing writes humorously that the problem with Yoda is that he’s really German.
Permalink
[0] C […]
May 25th, 2005 at 2:20 pm
Reminded me of two more observations of the Germans attributed to Mark Twain
“A German joke is no laughing matter!”
and
“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.”
May 25th, 2005 at 3:26 pm
I’ve always explained this to people unfamiliar with German by using the sentence:
“In German most common it is the verb at the end of the sentence to put.”
Learning German was difficult until I realized that just thinking in German was easier than trying to translate both the vocabulary and the syntax.
May 31st, 2005 at 10:09 am
Actually, in German, the verb usually takes the same position as in English.
Both are Subject-Verb-Object languages, as in: I eat bread, or in German, Ich esse Brot.
German only places the verb at the end of the sentence under certain circumstances, as when a modal verb is used.
We say “I can speak German”. In German, it is “Ich kann Deutsch sprechen” or “I can German to speak”.
The other circumstance that I can remember is in a subordinate clause (? - it’s been years since I’ve studies this stuff).
We say “I said that I can speak German”. In German, it is “Ich sagte, daß ich Deutsch sprechen kann” or “I said, that I German to speak can”.
Farsi is, like Yoda, Subject-Object-Verb. If you want to say “I like bread very much”, you say something like “I bread very friend have”. Fun stuff.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
[…] really no sense with Germanrules would make.” A truer thing has never been said. By Donald Sensing. No Comments» RSS feed for comments on this post. […]