Long ago Mark Twain wrote of the German language,

German ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it. … an average sentence in a newspaper is a sublime and impressive curiosity that occupies a quarter of a column; it contains all 10 parts of speech-not in regular order, but mixed; it is built mainly of compound words constructed on the spot, and not to be found in any dictionary.

So reported Rick Atkinson in his article, “Ignoring Marktwainsgermanwarning” in The WaPo in 1994. The WaPo piece appeared when I was stationed at the Pentagon. For a long time afterward, the paper ran letters occasionally on the topic of “Marktwainsgermanwarning,” generally about the syntactical idiosyncracies of Deutsch.

I wrote one such letter which was, alas, never printed. Somehow, it has survived on my computer to this day, despite the fact my present computer is at least the fifth since then. I stumbled across it and discerned immediately what Yoda’s major malfunction is: he’s really German!

Here’s the text of my letter to the Post 10 years ago:

A shortcomment on this ongoingdebate I have. In German biglongwordsthatcontinueforeverwithnoendinsight there are. Bigdeal. Two biggerproblems there are. First, in the Germanlanguage, verbs at the end of sentences or clauses go. In normalconversation, which is a question or which is a declarativestatement vocalinflection indicates. But in the writtentexts, only at the endofsentences with a period or a questionmark when you the difference can tell isn’t it? Second, negatives the noun not verb modify.

What the ruleimpact of this in English try to imagine would be. We ever where until there we got would we know are going? Many famoussayings notmemorable would be: “Before you leap look,” “Notcart before the horse put,” two examples are. Richard Nixon would have said, “I a notcrook am.” Connie Chung to the Newtmother would have said, “Why not you to me girltogirl it whisper?”

If you the Billandhillaryclintonhealthplan indecipherableandhardtounderstand as it written was think, it not according to germanizedbureacraticliterarystyle with all the verbs at the endofsentences be glad written was! Otherwise, we Harryandlouiseprotest would have had to hear, “To this listen! They my choice away take! I my notchoice to keep get! And this muchminemoney will cost! This stinks!”

And letterstotheeditor really, really no sense with Germanrules would make.

Truly yours I am,

Donald M. Sensing

This letter like it by Yoda sounds written was. So that his problem is. Great mystery solved. I congratulated should be!

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